This week’s Beyond the Labels guest post is from Abby McDonald, a writer and friend who I deeply admire. Abby is an author, editor, and writing coach with a passion for helping women get unstuck and respond to God’s voice in the middle of life’s messes. She’s written two books—Shift and Surrendering Certainty—and contributes regularly to Proverbs 31 Ministries. I’m so grateful to share her story here today about finding identity beyond the title of “mom.”
Whether you’re in the thick of early motherhood or just feeling like you’ve lost a piece of yourself, I think her words will speak gently to the deeper truth: we are not defined by our roles, but by a God who sees and loves us completely.
You can connect with Abby and take her free 5 Days to Unstuck Challenge at abbymcdonald.org. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a mischievous lab pup in the mountains of western Maryland.
Her newest book, Surrendering Certainty is available here!
I remember the first time our eight-year-old realized I had a name other than “Mama.” And that his dad had a name other than “Dadda.”
We were sitting at the dinner table and my parents were visiting. Of course, they didn’t call us “Mama” and “Dadda.” It was as though a light bulb went off in his growing brain. The fact that we were people before we became parents was new territory to explore. Questions came pouring out faster than he could formulate the words.
I smiled but made sure he knew that to him, my name would always be “Mama.” Or “Mom.” Or some variation of it. But never “Abby.”
I wear the title proudly like a badge, because motherhood changes us, doesn’t it? And yet at the same time, I don’t ever want it to completely define me.
There are times when I have to remind myself that my identity exists outside of the roles of wife, mother, and friend. These different roles shape me and mold me, but they don’t determine who I am.
Some of you reading this may be puzzled, so let me explain. My search to discover who I was began after becoming a mom. I remember those first days when I couldn’t get my newborn to stop crying, and I would cry right along with him.
Everything about my supposed “birth plan” had failed. Instead of forgoing the epidural, excruciating back labor made me take one in the early stages. Instead of delivering naturally, I had an emergency c-section.
I clung to breastfeeding like a lifeline, but when the nurse thought I had a pulmonary embolism a few days after leaving the hospital, I almost had to give that up too.
In the days after family left and my new baby and I were alone, I tried to cling to something stable. I had always clung to labels, but they were eluding me: student, worker, daughter, wife, and now mom.
I felt like I was failing miserably at the last two, which were both new to me. And because I felt unsuccessful in my roles, I didn’t think my life was worth anything. To be quite honest, there were times when I thought my new child and husband would be better off without me.
Somewhere in my darkness, I sent up a simple prayer: “Help.”
And because God doesn’t care about the eloquence of our words but the heart behind them, I got my answer—not in one lightning bolt of truth, but in a slow, constant rhythm. Although I couldn’t see them in the moment, His answers were like fingerprints on the story of my life.
Over time, He showed me I would never know who I was until I learned who He was. The more I learned about Him—His love and unchanging character—the more I discovered my own unique identity. I learned these different hats I wore—mom, wife, friend, employee—were meant to enhance the person I already was, but never define me.
If you hang your identity on a finite role, you will never discover who you are as an eternal being.
He created each one of us to leave an eternal mark. And while our families are a huge part of that, they are only one part. It is up to us to discover the distinct gifts He gave each of us—every one given to reflect His glory.
Do I love being a mom? Yes. Over time, I’ve grown to love it more and more.
But when my children are grown and it’s just me and my hubby, I will still be me. And if it takes me a lifetime to discover who that person is, it will be worth it.
Abby’s story reminds me that even when we feel lost in the labels we carry, God still sees the whole of who we are. Maybe you're in a season where those roles feel heavy or confusing—know you're not alone. I hope Abby’s words give you space to exhale, to feel seen, and to remember that your identity is secure in something far deeper than titles or labels or roles. You are known and loved, just as you are. Leave a comment or share this post to thank Abby for her contribution!
If Abby’s story resonated with you and you're in a season where motherhood feels heavy—especially if you're struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety—please know you're not alone. Your pain doesn’t disqualify you from God’s love or His purpose for your life.
Here are a few Christ-centered resources that may offer support, encouragement, and help:
Postpartum Support International (PSI) – While not exclusively faith-based, PSI offers a helpful directory where you can find someone to meet your needs here. (Includes resources for dads too!)
Risen Motherhood Podcast – Features episodes like "You’re Not a Bad Mom: Postpartum Depression and the Gospel", addressing this experience from a gospel-centered perspective: risenmotherhood.com. (This is a great place to start but please seek additional help!)
Ready Nest Counseling – Based in Nashville, Ready Nest Counseling offers both in-person and virtual support groups for new moms, including free options. this is also where I found my birth trauma therapist. (: Learn more at readynestcounseling.com.
Your local church - Our local church offers to pay for Christian counseling for women experiencing PPD or PPA in need of financial support. Check with your pastors to see what kind of care may be available to you.
Your Doctor - Most providers have a list of counseling referrals, and it’s always helpful to check in on your physical and emotional health. Ask what kind of support might be most helpful for your current season.
You are not broken and you are not alone. You are deeply loved. And there is help, healing, and hope.
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