Start Being so Emotional

If we understood what the "heart" is in Scripture maybe we wouldn't be so afraid of it

Before I began my social media fast I was scrolling and came across a post from a big Bible platform about how misleading our emotions can be. I immediately rolled my eyes and felt saddened by the prevalent narrative that as Christians we cannot trust our hearts or emotions.

Many Christians assume the “heart” in scripture is an emotional center that is kind of like a wild beast that has to be tamed by being stuffed down and silenced. Actually, the heart is both emotional, intellectual, and a part of our will. If we want to submit our will to God’s will we have to get familiar with our hearts. Timothy Keller said it this way:

"The Bible uses the term 'heart' to describe the seat of our deepest emotions, our will, and our intellect. It is not just the place of feelings, but the core of our being. When our hearts are aligned with God's wisdom, our emotions become reliable guides."

As a new mother, I had just spent the day caring for my baby. I felt inadequate and unequipped. The past few months had been full of unexpected challenges that began at my son’s birth and NICU stay and continued through postpartum, a surprise ER visit, and all the overwhelming newness of learning to feed and care for a baby while also trying to take care of myself. I was desperate for a routine that felt familiar but continually found myself confronted at some point during the day of feeling out of control, afraid, and inadequate.

Something as simple as forgetting the diaper bag or dropping a pacifier on the ground felt like an epic failure in early motherhood. After a particularly hard day I felt overwhelmed and crashed into the couch after getting Ira to sleep. I pulled a blanket around myself and wondered if I really was the woman for this job. Why did I think I could do this?

I couldn’t bring myself to open my Bible or journal because I felt too drained to even pick something up. But I sat there with my feelings and brought them to God in prayer. It sounded something like this:

I feel like I’m the actual worst at this, God. I have no idea what I’m doing. I love being a mom but sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me to get through the day. Help!

Before I prayed, I felt some shame over what I was feeling. But in that moment I suddenly felt peace and reassurance from the Holy Spirit. I felt this divine sense that God chose me to be Ira’s mom—all my faults, forgotten diaper bag moments, and accidentally drinking too much caffeine while breastfeeding moments included.

My emotions weren’t too much for God.

I didn’t need to be afraid of them or suppress them before him. I could share them with him and allow him to see all of me and help me to understand the deeper needs and longings that were underneath them.

Later, I shared with a few mom friends about my “mom fail” of forgetting a diaper bag. I was met with grace, laughter, and lots of stories of asking strangers to borrow diapers or using wet paper towels on a baby’s bottom. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone or inadequate.

By feeling like “I’m the actual worst at being a mom” I’ve learned to rely on God more, care for myself by getting more support, and grow closer relationships with other people. The needs buried under my messy emotions were good ones—needs for connection, grace, and support.

I feel so sad when I see messages from Christians who want to shut their emotions off because they believe the heart is always deceitful. Jeremiah 17:9-10 is often misunderstood. It says,

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."

This verse is talking about a heart that is full of sin. Most people stop there—the heart is deceitful. End of story. But the passage also shows us that God can search our hearts and help us understand them. The rhetorical question is “who can understand it?” and God’s loving answer is, “me!”

We are also promised a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26) under the new covenant and a heart searched and redeemed by God can absolutely be trusted.

In “Untangle your Emotions” Jennie Allen writes,

"Our hearts were designed by God to be a place where our emotions and our faith meet. When we understand our hearts as God intended, we can navigate our emotions with godly wisdom and trust them as part of our spiritual journey."

I think many of us have misunderstood our hearts. It can feel like we should have shame for not having our emotions “under control” and it can be tempting to lock them away and shut them up for a while. But when we do, we actually get further from God not closer to him.

Our emotions aren’t meant to be blindly followed. But we can bring them before God to thoughtfully consider what our hearts might be telling us. A lot of us are scared to examine our hearts because we might be afraid of what we could find there. A feeling of inadequacy isn’t super fun to feel but once we do we can fully experience the strength and power of God.

In the “Renovation of the Heart” Dallas Willard wrote,

"The heart is the executive center of a human life. It is the place where we make choices, where we deliberate and decide. To trust our hearts is to trust the place where God interacts with us most profoundly."

Attempting to turn off, shut down, or disengage with our emotions impacts our spiritual health profoundly—not in a good way. While it may give us an illusion of self control for a while, eventually, it will turn us away from interacting with God and experiencing his presence.

If you (like me) have ever been told to “stop being so emotional” when making a decision or reacting to your life’s expereince my encouragement is to reply that you’re just getting started.